Am I an Imposter?
Updated: Oct 28, 2019
This blog post wasn’t actually planned. I was sitting here writing blog posts and my mind started wandering. I am currently sitting and thinking about my business, my blog, and my YouTube Channel. All of these things are things that I love and hold near and dear to my heart, but then I started to think about comments and things that I receive.
I rarely, if ever, receive hate comments. I don’t know what it is like to receive a lot of negativity on my channel and blog. However, sometimes what I do receive still makes me feel some type of way. I hear people tell me all the time how they look up to me and how I inspire them and that’s the goal, but I can’t help but think… am I worthy of that?
I am not rich. I don’t have a huge house or a fancy loft that I live in. I struggle a lot both financially and mentally. I hear people commending me for doing so much with anxiety and depression and I keep thinking… they weren’t there when I had that mental breakdown last week.
How can I inspire others without being perfect? I know that sounds absolutely ridiculous and I probably sound like an idiot to you guys, but these are some of the things that I think about. People looking up to me on my YouTube Channel and I have JUST hit 1,000 subs. I am not a huge YouTube star. Who am I to look up to?
I am probably just having another moment. I WANT to inspire others. I WANT to push people to be their best selves and chase their dreams, but sometimes I wonder if I am the woman for the job. Sometimes I wonder if I am good enough to try and do something like that. Am I an imposter?
Do I just pretend to be positive and productive? Well, yes and no. I try to post only positivity but I don’t pretend to be positive all the time… do I? Where are the lines? How much of the truth should be shown?
I just think I needed to get that all out, but I know it’s just all in my head. I feel pressure sometimes because I know there are people who watch me and look up to me. I want to be my best for them. So that is what I am striving to do. I am striving to do and be better. I am striving to learn and grow. I am striving to do everything I can to inspire as many people as possible. No, I am not perfect and probably never will be, but I know I can be better than who I was yesterday… and so I will be.